The following blog is a transcription of the above video. Subscribe to my YouTube channel to see more of these videos at YouTube.com/HarryWilmington.
Today we’re discussing the five moves you should avoid making until she makes them first. In the realm of dating, I’ve discovered that certain actions, when initiated by a man, can come across as too much too soon and apply unnecessary pressure. Moreover, these moves can indicate a level of relationship growth that she may not be ready for yet, potentially sabotaging the entire dynamic.
However, when she takes the lead on these moves, it provides insight into her developing feelings for you and allows the relationship to progress at a comfortable pace. So, let’s dive into those five things.
#1: ASKING FOR WEEKEND DATES
Firstly, let’s address the idea of asking for weekend dates, specifically on Fridays and Saturdays. When you start dating a woman, it’s advisable to plan outings from Sunday to Thursday. Wondering why? Subconsciously, Fridays and Saturdays are typically reserved for couples. Therefore, by requesting a date on one of these days early on, you unintentionally signal that you already view her as the chosen one, someone you want to spend those couple-oriented days with.
The issue arises if you’re not at that committed stage yet, or if she hasn’t suggested those days herself. In such cases, making that move prematurely could create a sense of things moving too fast for her. Consequently, she might become hesitant or gradually withdraw.
Initially, I dismissed this notion as nonsense, but I discovered that by adhering to Sunday-to-Thursday dates, I could accelerate my dating situations with women. Around the third or fourth date, they would eventually propose, “Hey, I’m free this Friday” or “I’m available on Saturday to do something.” That’s when I knew they were starting to perceive the relationship in a more progressive manner, developing deeper feelings. Therefore, refrain from scheduling Friday and Saturday dates until she brings it up. It serves as an excellent indicator of her growing attachment to you.
#2: MEETING EACH OTHER’S FRIENDS AND FAMILY
The second move to avoid making until she initiates it is suggesting that you both introduce each other to your respective friends and family. For a woman, this step carries significant weight because she has experienced enough relationships to know that most people she introduces to her inner circle won’t become long-term partners.
When she reaches the point where she feels ready to introduce you to her friends and family, it signifies that she sees potential in you as a long-term partner. However, when you, as the guy, propose meeting your friends after just two dates, you may consider it a casual matter, an opportunity for them to get along and establish rapport. But to her, it holds much greater significance.
In her world, she would never invite you to meet her friends unless she genuinely viewed you as someone she has chosen. So, when you make such a request early on, she interprets it as, “Oh my God, he has already chosen me,” even though it has only been a couple of days or a few hours of conversation. This puts undue pressure on her to jump into a relationship prematurely because, in her eyes, you are already doing something that typically takes place in an established relationship—meeting friends and family.
The best approach is to wait for her to initiate it. It usually takes a woman two to three months to solidify her feelings for you, after which she may start discussing relationship-related matters, leading to the official boyfriend-girlfriend phase. That’s when you can begin considering inviting her to meet your friends or attend family gatherings.
However, this may not happen until another three to six months, and that’s perfectly fine. She might require additional time to feel confident that you will be a long-term presence in her life. When she genuinely feels ready, she will approach you and express her desire to meet your friends and family. So, let her take the lead in this regard.
Your primary focus should be asking her on dates and spending quality time together. Furthermore, during those initial three months, it’s beneficial to establish a strong foundation between the two of you without outside interference. Once friends and family enter the picture, their opinions or comments about you could make a significant impact.
For example, if one of your friends casually mentions something from your past, it may not faze her if you have already been together for several months. However, if the same incident is brought up after just two dates, she may perceive it as a red flag during her vetting process and decide not to continue the relationship. Hence, it’s wise to reserve introducing friends and family until she brings it up naturally.
#3: TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS & BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER
The third move to avoid making until she initiates it is discussing feelings and the prospect of a relationship. During the dating phase, it’s crucial to demonstrate your care and affection through your actions, rather than solely relying on verbal expressions.
Some might argue that it’s sexist to suggest men should refrain from openly sharing their feelings. However, I’m sharing insights based on personal experiences and coaching sessions with men, which have shown that when they prematurely delve into expressing deep emotions, such as “I love you,” within just a month or two of dating, it often turns women off.
Now, you have the freedom to do as you please. I’m simply informing you of the potential consequences, which primarily involve applying pressure on her to reciprocate those same feelings. The key is to allow women to naturally develop and embrace their feelings at their own pace. They need to feel that their emotions are genuine and of their own choosing. By prematurely verbalizing your emotions or pushing for a relationship, you inadvertently burden her with a sense of obligation, which can actually backfire and turn her off.
Here’s the thing: If you’re asking her out on dates, and she consistently agrees, shows up, doesn’t flake, and engages in physical intimacy with you regularly (if that’s a part of your dating dynamic), then you’re on the right track. All those positive indications, such as her punctuality, physical touch, and overall engagement, signify that her interest is growing. As her interest reaches certain levels, she will naturally start expressing her thoughts and feelings, such as “I enjoy my time with you,” “I have strong feelings for you,” or “I want you to be my boyfriend.” You don’t have to verbalize it yourself.
Moreover, it’s crucial to maintain a three-to-one ratio in your responses. For every three positive things she says to you, respond with one positive comment. However, when it comes to actions, aim for a reverse ratio. Ideally, for every one action she takes, demonstrate three actions that showcase your care and affection for her. Women are more prone to show emotions via verbal expressions, while men have more leeway to convey their emotions through actions.
Of course, there may be instances where you meet women who are more inclined towards verbal communication, allowing for more open discussions. Even then, it’s best to reserve those conversations for when you are genuinely discussing the possibility of entering a committed relationship. During the dating phase, let her take the lead in expressing her emotions. Don’t bring up feelings, the desire for a relationship, or questions like, “Why can’t we be together now?” Trust me, it won’t work in your favor.
#4: INITIATING IN-BETWEEN-DATE TEXTS
The fourth move to avoid making until she initiates it is initiating frequent text conversations between dates. Many guys tend to make this mistake by engaging in excessive texting during the intervals between dates. They feel the urge to text her right after a date, asking her to let them know when she arrives home safely. They send follow-up texts the next day, expressing that they had a good time. Good morning texts, random texts just for the sake of texting – all of these actions can actually turn her off.
Instead, after taking her out for a great time, it’s better to give her some space for a few days. This approach serves two purposes. Firstly, it allows you to gauge her level of interest by observing if she initiates contact with you. Remember, we’re looking for signs of interest here.
Secondly, based on my conversations with numerous women, I’ve discovered that they don’t particularly enjoy excessive texting between dates. They prefer men who have their own goals and priorities, and who reach out to set up the next date. Unnecessary texting isn’t essential. In a relationship, however, it’s good to maintain a three-to-one ratio. For every three texts she initiates, you can initiate one text. It can be something simple like, “Hey babe, just thinking about you today. Hope you have a good day.”
Women with high interest levels in you will naturally reach out to you, but you must allow space for that to happen. The point is to let her be the one to initiate in-between date texts. You might wonder, “How do I know if she likes me if she doesn’t text me between dates?” It’s simple. When you reach out to her on day four or five to ask for another date, and she says yes, that’s a clear indicator of her ongoing interest.
#5: TALKING ABOUT NEGATIVE PAST LIFE EXPERIENCES
The fifth move not to make until she initiates it first, which is talking about negative past experiences. I don’t want you to engage in a trauma bonding session in an attempt to establish a connection with her. Even if a woman has experienced significant trauma in her life, she doesn’t necessarily want to discuss it on a date.
What she desires is to spend time with a fun, lively guy who makes her laugh. Trying to match her sob story with your own sad tale is not a good way to bond. If she feels the need to bring up a past experience or vent, let her take the lead. You don’t have to bring up your own past immediately. I’m not saying you should never share it, but during the initial months of dating, if she needs to discuss something, that’s fine. Just don’t assume that she wants you to reciprocate in the same way.
When women share their stories, they often seek a strong, supportive guy they can lean on in case they encounter further difficulties. They expect you to listen and offer comfort. However, they may not be prepared to provide the same level of comfort in return. Sharing your own sad stories and the challenges you’ve faced can turn them off, even if it’s not the worst thing to share with a woman.
I don’t want to be the one to say that you should never reveal negative experiences or discuss what you’ve overcome. However, I want to highlight the potential effects of doing so, especially early on in the dating process when she hasn’t fully gotten to know you and hasn’t built a strong connection with you as a reliable, leading figure. It might make her perceive you as weak; although that’s not always the case, you can never be sure, and you don’t risk losing any points with them for not talking about negative stuff.
Save your negative stories for later, when she’s going through an extremely traumatic time. That’s when you can share how you overcame a similar situation. But more importantly, don’t dwell on your past traumas. If she brings it up, let her be the first one to address any negative aspects. You should be the guy who brings positivity and light to your relationship.
I hope this advice helps you understand the moves to avoid making when building attraction and relationships with women.